Matchless

The CaRMs process has more or less sucked for me. I applied to internal without having done any electives in it; when I did renal during my core rotations, I realized that internal was my future. Big mistake. A large percentage of the graduating medschool population applies to internal as a backup, and I disappeared in the flood of applications, just another student with 'Pass' as his grade.

Man, I wish we were ranked by grades in class...

Leonard had this to say, slightly edited to fit my situation:

I came so far for medschool
I left so much behind
My patience and my family
My masterpiece unsigned

I thought I'd be rewarded
For such a lonely choice
And surely she would answer
To such a hopeless voice

I practiced on my sainthood
I gave to one and all
But the rumours of my virtue
They moved her not at all

I got a grand total of one interview. Wednesday is the big day.

Time

The person who picked my name passed away just before Christmas. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in October, while I was out in Drumheller. When I got back to Calgary for internal, the question was, would I take a few days off to see her while she was still healthy enough? Well, the choice was made to delay going until Christmas. I knew, of course, that that was risky.

She passed away 36 hours before I got there. She was looking forward to seeing me, but I didn't take a couple of days off to give her something to be happy about in her last hours.

I spent Christmas cleaning up her apartment. All the things that meant so much to her, now they were being sold off or given away. I found her old photos, back from when she was a medical student and then a resident. Life seemed full of promise back then; not everything worked out. I realized that a generation later, I live a life remarkably like hers.

I left the apartment for the last time. As a kid, that place felt like home to me. Now, there's no going back. Funny, eating at restaurants where my great grandfather liked to go 100 years ago, I wondered, will I one day say, "Your great-great grandfather liked to eat the lüngerl here"?

First Class!

I ended up getting upgraded to first class for the last part of my flight from London! Sounds great, eh? That was after first being moved up to business with those crazy bed-seat pods!

My secret to getting great upgrades? Fainting, endless vomiting, and plenty of diarrhea. Not pleasant, but very effective. Oh, unfortunately the first-class upgrade was only to the washroom...

I kept thinking that I'd love to be the medical student taking this history. Living it was not so good.